kate.

My new beach coverup is also useful for lounging, eating, smoking, and chilling in.

# gpoy

# fat babe

# fatspo

# self love

# fat body

What I’m wearing to go shopping and eat ice cream. Everything is thrifted but the belt, which is from Sears.

BURGERTIME.

What I wore to take my stepmother out for dinner for Mother’s Day.

I did nothing but play guitar today.

# gpoy

# selfie

I have no business being in a thrift store when I’m this hungover.

Vanity as self care. Forced myself out of the house today. I’m still having a shite go at life right now. I just keep telling myself it’s going to get better.

Jacket is Domino Dollhouse size 20. Sonic Youth shirt I bought on ebay, and ripped the neck and sleeves off, I think it was a men’s xl. Skirt is forever 21+, size 2X. Tights are from Walmart, I think, and shoes are airwalks, size 9.

My tits have been fucking up my fashion choices for almost 20 years now. This would have been a great top. Took the skirt, though.

What I wore to force myself out of the house in order to interact with humans even though it’s the last thing that I want to do today. These shoes, guh.

Also you get camera-face and sunglasses because I didn’t have my shit together to put on makeup and my face looks stupid today because I was crying

ombre top is from Ricki’s, xxl. purple tanks is from F21+. jeans are from sears, size 18, and shoes are from ecco, i think they’re a size 40 eu.

I’m not in the best place right now, in terms of my mental health. And my body image. And my stress levels. There are many factors at play here. When I was finishing my nursing degree, I was initially drawn to mental health nursing because I felt that I could potentially practice with the most empathy in this field, compared to others, due to my own experiences in coping with mental health (both mine, and that of my family’s). I don’t know if that’s true; if we can ever really entirely place ourselves in another’s mindframe without having grown the same way they have. People develop their own unique coping mechanisms based on who they are, and what they have experienced, Perhaps it was naive thinking on my part. Part of me feels that I belong in this field because in a way it helps me to better understand myself. Yet, another part of me knows that I will never truly understand the way my brain works. How do I go in, split myself six ways to provide emotional support for six adult people that are experiencing acute mental health crises, and still have enough left over for me at the end of the day? My partner bears the brunt of this, I am sure. A lot of the time I love my job so much that I can do it, no problem. But the last two weeks have been hard. I’ve been turning down call-ins and working my minimums. I know it will get better, because it always does. This feeling never lasts forever, and I feel lucky, because I know that for some of the people I work with, this is their baseline.

Thursday would have been her 59th birthday. Friday marks 13 years since I’ve lost her. Every spring brings sorrow, and grief, and crippling anxiety, almost like clockwork. I face challenges throughout the year, certainly; but this time of the year is always my lowest point.

Today I will take pictures. And paint. And play my guitar. And do my nails. These are the only ways I really know how to take care of myself. In the exact same ways that I did when I was half the age I am now.

I miss my mum.